Essentials for a Woman in a House Full of Boys

Yesterday I found myself hosing red clay-like mud off of the boys’ clothes.  And when I refer to the boys, please know that my hubby, while he is in his 30’s, is still one of the boys.  We’ve been going through a sort of transition in the Gunden household.  It’s been coming on for weeks now, but really just hit me yesterday as I stood in amazement at the mud-caked clothes and the thoroughness in which all three of my boys had soiled these articles.  I realized that there are some essential tools needed to be a woman in a house full of boys.

#1  Learn to walk away.  Just walk away.

When you step out the back door to find your boys playing in a pile of mulch and dumping water from the dog bowls on each other while sporting their brand new shoes, just turn right around.  Go back in the house.  There’s no need to do a double-take and check for adult supervision because Daddy is there.  He’s been there the whole time.  He probably even helped them turn on the spicket.  It’s best just to pretend it’s not happening.  Oh…and it’s probably best not to buy nice shoes for your boys.  When faced with the task of washing or tossing.  You’re going to want to toss.  Trust me on this.

#2  When out for a girls night, there’s a two drink minimum.

When you get home from your girls night out you’re going to want be on the tipsy side.  That way, when you happen upon a pile of mud-caked clothes and a Facebook picture of the boys drenched from head to toe in red, clay-like mud you will laugh out loud versus the exhausted yelling and snarkiness of a tired mommy.  This is a much preferred alternative to haranguing your husband for letting things get out of control.  By the way, your husband will not believe things were “out of control” because “this is what boys do.” 

#3  No White Shirts

Does this even need an explanation?  See #2 above.

#4  Whatever you do, don’t smell it.

The other evening my sweet, sweet Taylor turned to me and asked me to smell his hand.   It smelled pretty rank, I have to admit.  So I told him so.  He giggled with excitement as he stuck his hand down the back of his pants (for what I now believe was the second time) so he could bring some “fresh” scents out for the smelling. 

#5  Study up on your super heroes….and wear a helmet if you can.

The boys love to pretend play these days.  “Mommy, you be bad guy and me be good guy and I’m going to get you.  Roar!”  One misstep.  One word not said right and I get “Mommy you not doing it wight.”  And one word of warning, they may be three but they pack a huge punch.  If they get you, make sure you protect the important areas:  head, face and hair.  They still haven’t grasped the fact that Mommy is fragile and doesn’t like recreating WWF scenarios.

#6  Always stop for tractors.

If you drive by a tractor, you most definitely will be asked to “Do it again, Mommy.  Do it again.”  If you don’t, the screaming will commence and is sure to continue until you serendipitously encounter another tractor.  “My want to see tractor again!  Again Mommy!!”  The only cure to this madness is to pull over and let them fully inspect the wonderment of these yellow, mechanical beasts.  They’re going to want to climb on it, drive in it and pee on it.  Complete this circuit and you will have two very happy boys.

#7  Love on them often

While boys may be rough and tumble, they’re still our little sweethearts.  Tell them this daily.  Heck, tell it to them every time the thought crosses your mind.  They are still your little babes and your love still means the world to them.  I know this because every once in a while, out of the blue, my little ones say “I wuv you, Mommy” and it melts my heart.